For 20 years I lived a "Party" Lifestyle of which I won't go into great detail. Then one night it happened... Inside of each of us is a hole that only God can fill. He is always there, waiting for us to listen to Him, but on this night God decided it was time to break me from the life I was leading, and he showed me the size of the empty space inside, it was as if He left me and revealed to me this huge empty place inside of me, a place of darkness that he once occupied with light. I felt so dark, so deep in sludge, like I was a tiny speck in the bottom of a barrel of sludge and waste with no way to get out. For the first time in my life I suddenly realized the decrepit condition of my human state, I realized my worthlessness as a human and how on my own I was nothing. For the first time in my life, I felt real terror and real anguish. I was totally disassociated with life, people, and any meaning, it was absolute helplessness. God had left me empty, and I wanted Him back. I immediately fell to my knees crying like a baby, I cried out to God in prayer and begged him not to let me go. I told him I would be happy to be a janitor in Heaven if he would just rescue me. Over the next 6 months I quit my high paying job, left friends of 15+ years behind, and moved half way across the country, away from the influence and the lifestyle I had chosen, I moved away to find a new life and toward my Savior. I spent the next few years fighting the battle of the Devil trying to stop me from making this decision, and my own persistence of reaching back up to God. As everyone knows, you never reach the perfect relationship with God in this life, there are always tests and trials, there is always the growth over time aspect, although God could feasibly make us perfect in a second, he uses time and maturity to perfect us and work patience and knowledge in us.